Practical Instructions for Wives and Husbands

Sometimes some practical instruction can go a long way in improving the quality of our relationships. No truer is this than in the closest relationships humans can have, the relationship of marriage. Let’s get some practical instructions from Peter’s exhortation to wives and husbands with some help from the Wiersbe Study Bible. Here’s how Warren Wiersbe unpacks and applies Peter’s instructions in this Catalyst note in the Wiersbe Study Bible.

Peter’s Practical Marriage Manual

Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear. Do not let your adornment be merely outward—arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel—rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God. For in this manner, in former times, the holy women who trusted in God also adorned themselves, being submissive to their own husbands, 6 as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, whose daughters you are if you do good and are not afraid with any terror.”

1 Peter 3:1–6

Peter devoted more words for instructing wives in marriage, but he packed a single, pointed verse to husbands with a lifetime’s worth of practical wisdom. In all, verses 1–7 provide the basic outline for a healthy marriage. We can usually trace difficulties in a relationship back to a violation of one or more of these principles by either husband or wife or both.

Peter summarized a wife’s plan of action to two practical points:

Trust God.

He made the point that this is a particular challenge when the husband doesn’t seem to “obey the word.” The husband in mind here might be a non-believer or he might simply be an insensitive husband who is not treating his wife in the manner Christ would use. The wife’s key recurring question will be: “Will I decide to manage my husband, or will I decide to let God manage him?”

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De-emphasizing outward appearance does not mean that a wife should neglect herself and not try to be up-to-date in her apparel. It simply means that she should not major on being fashionable just to keep up with the crowd. Any husband is proud of a wife who is attractive, but that beauty must come from the heart and demeanor, not the store. We are not of this world, but we must not look as though we came from out of this world!

Wardrobe and makeup can simply be wisely chosen accessories for an inner beauty that flows from deep trust in God, or they can be expressions of a woman’s decision to try to manipulate and control circumstances around her by charm and physical beauty.

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Accept the authority of your husband.

Since two people cannot form a democracy, someone in a marriage must have the responsibility for leadership. This is not intended to be “makes all decisions” kind of leadership but the duty to share decision-making unless a deadlock occurs, at which time God expects the husband to step up and exercise authority. A man is more likely to give his wife’s perspective serious consideration if he knows that the tough choices really are going to be left to him.

God has commanded authority in homes because, in His wisdom, He knows that this is the best arrangement for a happy, fulfilling marriage. Subjection does not mean that the wife is inferior to the husband. In fact, verse 7 clearly states that the husband and wife are “heirs together”. The man and woman are made by the same Creator out of the same basic material. God made them both in His image. God gave dominion to both Adam and Eve (Gen. 1:28), and in Jesus Christ, Christian mates are one (Gal. 3:28).

Peter reminded husbands that practical care for their wives must be practiced in four areas:

Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.

1 Peter 3:7

Emotional (“giving honor”).

The term means that a husband respects his wife’s feelings, thoughts, and desires. He may not agree with all her ideas, but he respects and honors her right to speak. He desires her input. And he learns that God can guide him through his wife’s sensitivity and natural cautions.

Intellectual (“with understanding”).

Despite the old saw about men not being able to understand women, a husband has the delightful challenge to learn to understand his wife. He must pay attention. A Christian husband must get to know his wife’s moods, feelings, needs, fears, and hopes. He needs to listen with his heart and seek to approach her always in an understanding way.

Physical (“dwell with them”).

This implies much more than sharing the same address. Marriage is fundamentally a physical relationship (“the two shall become one flesh” Eph. 5:31). Of course, Christian mates enjoy a deeper spiritual relationship, but the two go together (see 1 Cor. 7:1–5). A truly spiritual husband will fulfill his marital duties and love his wife.

Spiritual (“being heirs together of the grace of life”).

In the central place of life—access to God in relationship—both husband and wife have equal standing. This is why when both are growing closer to God they inevitably grow closer together. Praying together and living spiritual lives in harmony are the too-often neglected building blocks of a strong marriage.

Peter attached an important personal application by indicating that the effectiveness of a husband’s prayer life will be determined by the way he treats his wife.

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A Christian husband must minister to his wife and help to beautify her in the Lord (Eph. 5:25–30). A Christian wife must encourage her husband and help him grow strong in the Lord. Parents and children must share burdens and blessings. They must seek to maintain an atmosphere of spiritual excitement and growth in the home. If unsaved people are in the home, they will be won to Christ more by what they see in our lives and relationships than by what they hear in our witness.

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